I do all this work, and YOU get the degree.

I must say I'm a bit numb to this whole end of the school thing. Graduation seems like just another pointless ritual that we must subject ourselves to, when in fact it seems like graduating doesn't mean much anymore. I mean honestly it seems like anyone can get a college degree these days. Put maybe 1/2 the effort into their education and graduate at the same level as kids that spend their weekends in the library sacrificing their lives to books, calculations, and experiments. All for what? For someone else who worked half as hard as you to take a job away that you are obviously more qualified for.

This town is sadly over educated, and though staying her is my plan (for just a year!! haha right it never works like that), i feel like i am digging my own grave. If I fall into the Bozeman circle of ileitis (which i highly doubt they even want me) and know how educated I am, but choose to do nothing with it, I will be extremely disappointed with myself. Nothing against those people who live here and are educated, I'm just saying I cannot rely on this place to advance me in my life. Of course I am over generalizing the whole situation, but in all reality there is no place more educated with unapplied intelligence than Bozeman (as far as I am concerned/know).

It is kind of a cool thought, knowing that the majority of the time the person sitting next to you could carry on a very enlightening and well-versed conversation, but at the same time there's a reason why people stay here. Bozeman is a click--like one of those groups in High School where you have to wear the right shoes to be in. Yeah that's exactly what Bozeman is, a big frickin' click.

I guess I am just upset at the moment, realizing that I am done. I am done with what I know, and I am done with my comfortable seat, I am done with the classroom setting, and group projects, I am done. But yet I am just beginning. I really don't want to do this celebration, and I don't want to live in a place with so much influence and yet little diversity.

I don't feel worthy of my degree, and yet know how much time and effort i have put into it. It makes me sick to my stomach to think about the hours I have spent not sleeping, not eating, and not paying attention to the little illuminations of life for this degree, and some get away with not even breaking a mental sweat (not the students that are simply that smart, but the ones that do nothing and yet still pass). I too would like to enjoy my days and nights in other ways, and not spend my Saturday's in the library. I would like to take mini trips to places and have experiences, but I don't because I choose to be studious. And in the end, it seems to never pay off. I guess I'm lucky that I'm getting pissed about this now, because I probably would have dropped out of college after this semester if I wasn't graduating.

I guess it's just not my day today, and I needed to take it out on something, and how wonderful it is to have a blog to do that to, and not on someone that I could potentially hurt.

~L.