Just Do It.

Lately I've been feeling overwhelmed with thoughts. My mind races, and I can't seem to catch up. It's as if my legs were moving much faster than my body, and i am running at a backwards slant, almost falling over, almost losing control, almost wanting to give up and just lie back and enjoy ignorance. So I had a talk with Dr. Sexson to find out how to get more out of my blogging experience and out of the class in general.

We cannot look for the connections, because like that one perfect man we all want, they never revel themselves until we aren't looking, and then we miss them and end up right where we are now, confused and calloused. I sit here now blogging and am still confused as to how to make those connections. Adam, in his blog, talks about senioritis and the overwhelming desire to do nothing, I might have this problem sometimes, but right now it feels as if I have the desire to do all, and yet can't focus myself to make anything happen. It's the inversion of senioritis. I want so much and cannot preform. I think they call this Performance Anxiety.

Eliot discusses the idea that we do not learn from experience, and that every moment is a new beginning, but to get to that beginning we must come to an end, and in order to come to an end we must learn something. So how can we know nothing now, and yet have known something just seconds before this new beginning we call the present? AHHH I'm lost in my mind, my own personal labyrinth of thought of possessions, of anxiety, and of humor. I am lost in the translation that my mind makes from the information I am told to the information that I retain, or want to retain.

I want that epiphany so bad, I can't even taste it. But in order to taste we must not taste? In order to see we must be blind, in order to understand we must be confused. This mind gripping thought of binary oppositions is almost obsessive. Oh no! Am I too becoming obsessed with something that will take me into the dark? Have I found what I was never looking for and yet looking for the entire time? I guess all I can know is that we must push on, through the muck, the rain, the blizzards, the blazing heat, and the thicket of the forest and "Just Do It!"

Let myself become entrapped with the unknown. Let myself wrap my brain around the thought of "no experience necessary." After all, when we are looking for jobs, how many times do we wish the job did not require experience, it makes obtaining that position much easier, for we do not need to rely on our past to help create a better future, in order for the present to work now. We simply have to be who we are now, not a second ago, not 5 years ago, because those people are not the same people we are right now.

~L.